Wish I had the answers
Or at least a hint or two
To ask the right questions
And simply get a clue.
There are those who told me
I should have more self control
Yet here I am faced with myself
No power to behold.
The things I swore I'd never do
Are things I surely did
Where is my hope, my promise
My vision of a kid
When youth misunderstood me
Trapped in parental grasp
I thought it would empower me
To flee their righteous wrath.
I hid my soul in cloth and fur
From God and Man the same
Yet I could not dodge the mirror
From the horror I became.
My best efforts on my own
Created me a beast
Highs and hells of my addictions
Famine grew from feast.
Those who preached their self control
Had no inkling of idea
The shadow falling over me
Consumes all that we feel.
Until I found the end of me
I lived impossibility
Gave up, grave up, couldn't see
My own mere inability.
Lying powerless upon my floor
Motionless, could take no more
Flicker of light outside my door
The hand of madness calling forth.
There is One with all the power
Call Him what you will.
He picked me up and carried me
To the greener hill.
Now life is not a piece of cake
But it's livable once more
A power greater than myself
Helped me stop keeping score.
He was not what I expected
He loved me as I lay
Knee deep in devastation
And helped me find my way.